Currently Bat Boy Comfort and Joy see related

I have been in Rome for a week.

This should be amazing. I should be having loads of fun, adventuring about the city, seeing lots of amazing sights, and generally having a memorable time.

Instead, I wake every morning and immediately think about all of the most painful things in my life.  I go to bed thinking about the same painful things.  It's as though I simply cannot be happy, no matter how hard I try.  I am exhausted from the amount of effort I have put in to take everyone else's advice: "Focus on yourself" "Do things that make you happy" "Don't think about [it]"  Focusing on myself is fundamentally against my own philosophy of life.  What makes me happy is caring for other people, pouring myself out for someone else.  And as hard as I try not to think about [it], [it] invades my thoughts, haunts my dreams, and generally wreaks havoc on my life.

Don't take this to mean that I'm horribly pessimistic, but my optimism has been shaken by [it].  I realize this post is vague and incredibly emo, but it's also blatantly honest.  Well, I suppose not...if it were honest I would share everything, but unfortunately the internet is rarely, if ever, a safe place to do that.

I hope everyone is well back in the states.  I miss you all dearly.